While the country was still dealing with Najjera and its Subaru drivers, Nansana happened. If Najjera was starved for attention, Nansana was being starved of love. To imagine Nansana, one must imagine Lukwago with teary eyes ranting: “Mujooga, mujooga, mujooga.”
For now, it looks like there is no greater punishment than choosing to live in Nansana. The only closer punishment is being an OB of Ntare School. For how on earth would Ntare chaps rant about a humble opinion piece? How on earth would they be that drained when it comes to humour? I suspect that Nansana could be an extension of Ntare’s Pioneer House.
No matter how far you go in life, Nansana stays with you. You cannot escape Nansana. You can leave Nansana, but Nansana will never leave you. But what is the connection between Nansana, Muteesa Royal and Kyambogo University? If you cannot see the connection, there is a high possibility you are from Nansana.
It is claimed that while Najjera people were throwing block parties amid the lockdown, Nansana households were engaged in a silver fish competition. It was about which household could figure out a brand-new recipe for the mukene.
The saying omwavu wakuffa originated out of Nansana. Whereas in Najjera it is traffic jam for Subarus and Altezzas, in Nansana it was a do and die between taxis, boda bodas and Raums. Whatever thing the best of Nansana saw in a Raum, none of us can explain.
Speak to an average uber driver and they will tell you one thing: They dread trips to Nansana. For one simple reason, “If you make a trip to Nansana, expect no return trip.”
No one ever orders an uber out of Nansana. Even when you send transport to a girl in Nansana, she will still jump onto a boda boda and save the balance. It is in Nansana where the art of bargaining was invented. If you are selling anything to a Nansana person, they will always assume you are taking them for a ride. If you tell a Nansana person it costs Shs10,000, they will stare you in the eyes with a folded fist to indicate their offer of Shs500.
If you can make it in Nansana, you can make it anywhere else in this country. It takes special talent to live here. It is said that in the evening, all the beautiful girls of Nansana gather ‘ku masitoowa’ and show off to the rest of the world in their jeggings.” At one point, it was even rumoured that the dudes in Nansana used to send ‘call-back’ messages.
Uganda did not give up on Nansana, it is Nansana that gave up on Uganda. Otherwise why would a whole area spend Friday night watching ‘kyi kyolifa tewelabidde?’ One of these days, Nansana people will go on a protest with the hashtag, #NansanaLivesMatter.
We sit down and pray that there never comes a day when Najjera and Nansana unite. We cannot imagine what kind of offspring they would produce. When you have a Najjera-Nansana couple, one would not be mistaken to sing, “They found love in a hopeless place.” Some may argue that there is a connection between Nansana and the sun, aka ‘omusana’.
But then, we also know that may years ago when Bobi Wine sang about light, aka katala, he could have had Nansana in mind.
But it is not all dark and gloom in Nansana.
If you are looking for down-to-earth people, look no further than Nansana. Dating a Nansana girl will give the man all the peace he needs in the world. First, they will not pressure you to a date at Café Javas. None of them knows about it. They are happier spending the weekend home, cooking for their man and doing all the chores. Behind every successful man in Kampala, is a great Nansana girl.
They are the only ones who still iron shirts and have those permanent lines, sharp enough to cut through a skin. Nansana girls will not complain about gas being finished, all they want are those ‘bu-sticks” used to light charcoal stoves.
You can expect that your Nansana girlfriend will not complain about their expired pay-TV. No one does pay-TV in Nansana, everything there is free-to-air.
Let’s also not forget that Nansana has a President. It’s none other than Pastor Wilson Bugembe. If you want peace, do not touch their President. When you ask people from Nansana about their prominent residents, their pastor will always top the list. Nansana also claims to be the hub of engineers. But when we probed further, we realised that they were talking about yinginiyaz.
While the people of Najjera go by names such as King of Yoruba, Shannie Swts, in Nansana, everyone is known by their offspring — Maama Brighton or Taata Jowani. And if one has no offspring, then their name is translated into Luganda. Chris becomes ‘kuliisi’ while Thomas becomes ‘Toomu.’
If our government was creative enough, Nansana and Najjera would be gazetted as tourism sites. In Nansana, one would experience the best of the omuntu wawansi, in Najjera, one would experience the best of arrivalism.